I want to live a "Happy Medium" life!....

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I have had some things happen to me that made me reevaluate my life! I have always been an all or nothing, go big or go home, kinda girl! Everything I've ever done I've gone all out and spared nothing. I get an idea and I run with it to the fullest, until I've achieved my goal or worse there is nothing of me left and I'm exhausted! The way I see these things going in my head is always so great! They go flawless, in my head only good can come out of what I am doing. The reality is always different at the very least and most times the exact opposite!

I WANT WHAT IS BEST FOR MY FAMILY! This statement could not be more true! I want what is best for us! I want us to be happy and healthy. Since becoming a family in June 1996 this has been my constant goal.

Since 1996 I have: Run a licensed Daycare, had Caleb, been a Stay at Home mom, worked for a call center, Day Care provider, had Cody Stayed home again, worked at a Dept. store part time, Stay at Home mom, Day care provider once again, Stay at home mom, had Carson, opened a used children's clothing store, Stay at home mom again, became a Foster mom, had 7 children enter my life and 3 we adopted, and my latest venture is farming, self sufficient lifestyle. During all this time Terry held one Job that he had years prior and will have for years to come, God willing, and pretty much has just been along for the ride.

Living on one income and supporting 8 people is hard work to say the least. When I say I want a "Happy Medium" life I mean I want to be responsible and safe but I don't want things to be so darn hard! Even more importantly I want to stop that outrageous guilty feeling that comes when I am anything shy of 100% spot on perfect with whatever plan I have set forth to do! Like buying juice boxes yesterday for Carson's Birthday! You would not believe the guilt I felt buying a 2.69 box of 10 100% juice boxes. I need for things to be easier!

We started a small farm, we have 12 chickens, (we started with 29, they got sick on 4 different occasions, and then we had 19 left and our dog got into there coop and killed all but 3 that managed to escape, then a great friend of mine gave me 9 more!) 2 goats, 3 bunnies, and 10 Turkeys. We also have a really big garden! We (I really mean I) did this for 3 reasons. 1. Save money 2. Be more healthy and 3. Be less dependant on others (mostly stores) to feed us!

Now having stated the above I need to make clear a few things: Farming is NOT LESS EXPENSIVE at least not for the first several years! Farm animals are extremely fragile! I have the blackest thumb EVER! and I have done almost everything WRONG! I have hundreds if not thousands of dollars invested in this farm. Now I also need to say this: The kids LOVE it, other than the dead animals they have really enjoyed it! I have had to beg on several occasions for them to do there chores but for the most part they have done well.

I'm not sure where to go from here. I know we have stopped growing our Farm! We have what we have and will not be getting more animals. I need to downsize the amount of "stuff" in my life. I really do hope that I have learned from this experience and ones in my past and can move forward. I need to learn my limits and not take on more than I can handle or more than what I can live with and be happy! So we can be HAPPY!

So here is hoping I can a find a "Happy Medium" way of life! :)